well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
