What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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