I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize