Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
