i think my tv is drunk
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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