she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
