How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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