If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize