Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude i'm inner monologue high
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
