i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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