So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
