glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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