So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
