They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
