My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize