You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
