I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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