Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
