You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
