hotel room ftw
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
