dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
