Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
