Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
