I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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