i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
