For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
