Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
