is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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