So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
