Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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