Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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