I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
