You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
