I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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