feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
