i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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