She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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