Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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