What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
