It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
