end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
