is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
