I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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