I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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