i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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