I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
