Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
