No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
