I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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