Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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