you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
