idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
