I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
