At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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