ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
