so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
