did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
