this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
