Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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