So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
