So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
