because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
