Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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