i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
