I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
