A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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