You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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