I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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