new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
