I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
