2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
