I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
