in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
