i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
