I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
