Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
