I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
